HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS
Can we have another “Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.” post with the words
Epigraphs from Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events as tweets
Roughly 400 people agree with me that adewale akinnuoye-agbaje would be a gr8 Moran I think its time we call some agents and get a contract worked out
Am I weird for not liking my meals to be paid for???
Like what’s the big deal if both of us prefer to pay for our own food equally?????
you either loved the catcher in the rye with a burning passion and it touched your soul and holden caulfield was you in high school or you despised that book and threatened to burn it and holden caulfield was a whiny little bitch there’s literally no in between
bathe in aloe
my parents grow aloe plants in their front yard I am going to sleep covered in the stuff
I was on the phone with my friend and she talking about how annoyed she was that she didn’t get any tan from the beach today and I said “yeah me neither I mean the top of my legs are red but nothing else” and then I pulled up my shirt to look at my stomach and it was bright lobster red and I scream “HOLY SHIT”